No one likes to be told he’s being ridiculous, whether age two or 42.
And now you’re also ashamed of being upset, since apparently there’s nothing to get upset about. Either you believe there is a good reason to get so upset or you’re aware of the absence of a “reason” from a logical standpoint, and yet you’re upset anyway. Is it ever helpful to be told you’re upset for no reason? No. “There’s nothing to get so upset about.” Again, think about your own experiences with being upset.Be on the lookout for those words - even when said in a seemingly empathic tone - when your little one is falling apart. The word “just,” in the same context, is also a giveaway. “Oh come on, it’s only X.” The “only” here is the big clue that you are patronizing your child by discounting whatever it is she’s upset about.My bad - blew it way out of proportion.” Frankly, it’s not just kids. “X is not a big deal.” When in the history of the world has this ever worked with anyone? Your toddler or preschooler will never say, “You know what? You’re right, Mom.Some examples of invalidating reactions, aside from blatantly laughing at your child, include: On their face, the reasons toddlers throw tantrums can be patently absurd.Īnd yet, when we are with our children, it’s important that we don’t laugh, that we take their reactions and experiences seriously. “She completely freaks out over the smallest thing!” Parents constantly use this word, “smallest,” and the many synonymous words and phrases - “littlest,” “most unimportant,” “most trivial” - to describe the things that trigger their child’s tantrums. When parents describe their toddler’s tantrums, they frequently speak in an incredulous tone.
DON’T invalidate your toddler’s perspective or emotions.
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